Poems
July 30, 2018
the last time
You took a knife to me
i hurt and bled and
lost much of me
You took from me and broke me
but
i became just a little more lovely,
a little more like You,
a little more fit for Your plans.
i was but a lump of clay
content in its natural shape
but You hollowed me out,
to be filled with light
and You faithfully did
which is my only solace
as I watch you take up
Your blade again,
as I watch you cut
as I watch my own...
July 18, 2018
it's like shooting an arrow,
with no point,
at a moving target,
or like bathing a cat,
one with all its claws,
and natural aversions to water,
or like assembling a puzzle,
one with a thousand pieces,
and some beautiful Thomas Kinkade sunset,
only to find you've nine hundred ninety-nine,
or like following the GPS for hours,
and getting lost,
and missing the whole engagement,
or like getting there on time,
to realize you've left you...
July 8, 2018
why have You sent me
why is it that things I love
home and hopes I held
will be traded in for
gray static,
blank spaces in void unknown?
and why do I not thank You
but weep at Your feet,
mourning a life no longer mine
why do I hurt for loss
instead of await my gain?
I know it’s You there
in the blackness,
void I can’t see
and I know to follow
but I’m turned towards what I left,
knowing it will never look this way again
if on...
May 12, 2018
before life goes on,
it appears some of it has to stop.
can't you see the end
of the track like I can?
is no one else feeling the
screeching halt?
and the closer it gets
the worse it feels
and another stop
no easier, no more prepared for
than the first
and then another
each one hurting more
each one a hair ripped out,
a scrape on a knee
and now You're telling me
to get off
that there's some other car waiting
that I can't even see from here
and...
April 5, 2018
my eyes fill at the sight of stars
and my whole being floods
joy.
could You really have something
held for me in another place
to be brought down that
is more glorious than my glimpses
of sky through smoke and streetlights
could there be anything better
than what You’ve given me here now
You tell me yes
and many sleepless nights I’ll lie
wondering about the perfect sky
March 28, 2018
I have always felt
someone missing
(how funny to know the feeling
of a person never there,
as if my body were created to
feel them)
and even after meeting the God of the universe
the Author of my salvation
my sinful flesh longs for
what is not there
I am saying
I’m always the odd girl out
the one without her best friend
for those I consider mine
don’t consider me theirs;
no reciprocity in love.
and those whose company I enjoy
don’t return...
January 3, 2018
i would like to
become better,
at loving strangers
for the sake of Jesus
for the sake of spilt blood
instead of selfless love,
i wrap up my heart
in old self
and i am then the thief,
stealing moments to share Him
taking time without any spoken consents
i am wretched
sick
waiting to be taken up
but without outstretched hands
to other souls
i wish i could say
i thank God every day
that my merit is not a credential to Him
but I cannot,
and I fai...
January 3, 2018
when you get there
you forget how cold you are,
how pained you are,
how lost you felt
lay down on the cool rock
let it burn your
bare arms
because you shed yourself off
just to get here.
you see nothing but the glory
the goodness
and it is worth it,
getting just lost enough to
feel your blood move through you
hurting just enough to remind you
of your own flesh
but well enough to keep
moving,
even if you don't want to
you could stretch out
los...
December 3, 2017
that turns off the bad parts
makes me function
at work, at home
i wake up on time and my dishes are always clean
but it turns off the good parts too
i am cold and feelingless
realistic robot
paintings of black and white,
or gray on a special occasion
that's why i gave them all
to the trash man
instead of selling all that i am
i learn to cope with the bad so
i can keep the good
you see,
the anxiety is what makes the art
if we were not so pas...